i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i think i just lost a toe
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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