I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
