Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
