He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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