I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
