Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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