walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
