apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
