I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
