Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
