Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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