Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
