i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
