I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
