Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
