did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think i got beer on your cat.
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