If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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