I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
