well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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