And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
