we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize