i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
