When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
