she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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