when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
