I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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