I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
