Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
