Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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