i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize