No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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