I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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