Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
