I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize