You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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