That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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