what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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