sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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