bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
