Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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