Where is the hickey?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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