I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
