I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
