Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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