we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Im part way to drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
