I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
