Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
