he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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