you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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