Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
