We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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