really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
