Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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