this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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