my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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