My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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