You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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