i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
