Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize